Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
