He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
