it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
