She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
