And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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