She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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