Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
