btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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