Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she peed on how many people?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
