I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
