What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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