is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
