He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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