People in love make me want to vomit
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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