Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
