You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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