I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Your cock deserves a montage
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
