I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
