Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
