i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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