Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
