I got chris browned last night
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
