Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
