I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
