I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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