Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
