just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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