I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
