I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
