gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
