Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
babies were throwing up all over the place
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
