so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
