I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
