woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
