if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
