A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
