dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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