You work out of a Hotel?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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