I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
