laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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