I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
