I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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