he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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