she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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