Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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