Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
