Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
