and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
