Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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