He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
