The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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