i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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