You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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