the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My hand turned me down
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
