I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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